Well, I survived my first full week of my semester, and let me tell ya, it was full of bumps. I began to work in a classroom, where I spend 8 hours a week in a classroom, observing and learning and working hands-on with students . While some may dread that idea, I absolutely LOVE it!!! I know that teaching is what I want to do with my life, and my heart overflows with happiness when I help out a student, and they understand what I am telling them. Personally though, my life’s kinda been in the shitter. Ya know that feeling when you feel like it’s you against the world??? Yeah, I’m not sure if I’m paranoid, but this week I felt like everything (and everyone) was going against me. The thing is, I have a 100% honesty policy. If I feel like something is up, I’m blunt and confront the situation. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people hide things or are dishonest, and then try to cover their tracks and act like nothing happened. We’re all adults here, so we should act accordingly, am I right? And the suckiest part of the week or so since I began this blog? Coming to the realization that people I love don’t want to see me happy. They want everything but for me to achieve my dreams and everything I’ve worked for in a certain area of my life. Blatantly put, it sucks. It’s the first time I’ve ever encountered this situation in my 2 decades of living, and while some may say I’m lucky to have gone 20 years without it, I say that I could’ve gone at least another 20 without it happening. I am an optimistic person, but there comes a point were I draw the line between optimism and idealism. Ideally, people I would do anything for would want me to be happy and do what I love. And most of them do!! For that, I am extremely fortunate! Optimistically, everyone would at least support me, even if they don’t love my decisions, and let me learn from my mistakes. However, when someone you thought was in your corner suddenly is inching away from said corner, things change. I have a had a certain dream for a while…at the very least a year. It started out as just that…a dream. Something I would be amazed of it actually happened. Sophomore year, however, my dream began to unfold into something that was starting to easily become a reality. I saw it as something I could grasp, something that I felt I deserved and was being prepared for. I talked to a person I loved unconditionally about it, and was basically slapped in the face. Essentially, I was told that I was not being supported in my reaching for this goal. At first, I was pissed. I still am. I just didn’t get how someone could do that. I’ve always been a cheerleader for those I care about; I only want to see them succeed, and I want to do everything I can to help. I’ve grown up a lot over this past year. Instead of being down on myself because someone is hoping I fail, I use it as motivation. I’ve realized that this person doesn’t want me to succeed, because they genuinely don’t want others to be as happy as they are. They enjoy seeing other people unhappy and upset, and they are insanely spoiled beyond belief. And it makes sense. They are used to getting whatever they want, and are not used to other people around them achieving their dreams too. And when someone has a goal that is bigger than theirs, these kinds of people don’t want anyone to surpass them. They have to be the best of the best always. I use it as motivation…”Let me show that no matter how much you wish I wouldn’t achieve my dream, I’m gonna do it and I’m gonna do it by being nice to others…and I’ll do it damn well” Frankly, it’s sad and it’s pathetic. I know at the end of the day, I’ll still be a cheerleader for the people who would be happier stabbing me in the back. And I’m OK with that. If it makes me a better person in the long run, than it’s what I’ll do. It’s what Jesus did. He freakin prayed for the people who nailed him to the cross. And if he can show all the compassion in the world to people who deserved none, than I can use the selfish and pitiful actions of one as my motivation to change the lives of many. If you stuck through this entire post, God bless your soul. Peace out y’all.
the inspiration behind this blog!
As a college junior, life can be more than overwhelming 98% of the time. The real world is starting to become an actual thing, and the phrase “shit is about to get real” applies to your life constantly. I’ve lived a life of struggles trying to cope with my world of stresses in college, and decided writing my little heart out might just be my cure. So here we are…I’ve found that at my ideal peace of mind, all I need is a cup of coffee, and a WHOLE lot of Jesus.